


Keeping the Faith

by nevermoreraven



Series: Having Faith [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bottom Cas, Castiel/Dean Winchester UST, Different perspectives, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, High School, Hôpital, I APOLOGIZE, I suck at tagging, Lost Love, M/M, Mpreg, Original Female Character - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Top Dean, child illness, dean is kind of a douche, heart condition, sorry I work in education, unprotected sex, which you should never do even if he claims to love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-04 11:35:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3066401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevermoreraven/pseuds/nevermoreraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sat pressed against the wall and floor. His entire existence crumbling into rubble under his feet. He breathed in the harsh scent of anesthetics and bleach. The distinct smell that hospitals have no matter where they are located. He closed his eyes and the doctor's words echoed in his mind, "I'm sorry Mr. Novak, but Faith has a rare heart condition and unless she gets the required surgery all we can do is make her comfortable."</p><p>Make her comfortable.</p><p>How can you make a six year old comfortable?</p><p>How do you breach the topic of death to someone who has barely lived?</p><p>Castiel rubbed his face and pressed his hands against his eyes trying to stem his tears. </p><p>***<br/>Castiel and Dean had a night of passion that conceived their daughter.  After a fight with Dean, Castiel runs away to raise his daughter on his own.  A few years later Faith becomes ill and requires surgery to get better.  This story is about overcoming past hurts and moving forward to a better future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Helpless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nephilim67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nephilim67/gifts).



> This is a little something that has been knocking around in my brain. I felt the need to share it with all you lovely readers. I don't have a beta so what ever mistakes are there are my own and feel free to let me know and I will fix them. The only thing that is mine in this story is the character of Faith but every other character belongs to supernatural.

He sat pressed against the wall and floor. His entire existence crumbling into rubble under his feet. He breathed in the harsh scent of anesthetics and bleach. The distinct smell that hospitals have no matter where they are located. He closed his eyes and the doctor's words echoed in his mind, "I'm sorry Mr. Novak, but Faith has a rare heart condition and unless she gets the required surgery all we can do is make her comfortable."

Make her comfortable.

How can you make a six year old comfortable?

How do you breach the topic of death to someone who has barely lived?

Castiel rubbed his face and pressed his hands against his eyes trying to stem his tears.

He took a deep breath and rose stiffly. He felt his joints pop meaning he had been sitting there for a while. He had to get back to his daughter.

His bones ached with each step that he took towards room 315. He paused at the door and vainly tried to compose himself. There was no need to scare Faith.

Her hospital room was in the children’s section.  It was so sad that there was an entire area of the hospital dedicated to children who are ill.  Each room was themed after a superhero or some other fictional character.  Faith had been upset that there were no rooms dedicated to the villains, because in her words they are important too.  The room that Faith was placed it was themed after Hello Kitty.  She hated it.  She felt smothered by all the pink and white.  What six, almost seven year old girl hates pink Castiel wondered.

He looked at her and the sight of her was sobering. She looked so small with all the monitors connected to her.  The IV was connected to her right hand and Castiel checked to make sure that the lines weren't tangled. No child should have to look so pale and thin.

Castiel clenched his fists. She should be at home watching the Discovery channel of all things, not in some hospital bed wasting away. Her face should be flushed and filled with life, not ashen and to thin.

Castiel sat in the stiff chair by her side as she stirred.

She opened her eyes and gave a small smile when she saw him, "Daddy I was just dreaming about you."

"Really, Queen Bee, what," he paused to swallow thickly,  "what was it about?"

"That time we went to the park and played all day because you didn't have to go to work. You remember, when you had a bad day at one of your jobs and you came and got me from school and then we went to eat and after went to the park and then, and then, we went to the movies and saw the new Batman movie.  You remember that day right daddy?" she asked as her words slurred by the end of her speech.  

Castiel worked two jobs to keep them afloat. Monday through Friday from eight to three he works at a Gas-&-Sip. He drops Faith of at the school at seven thirty to eat the breakfast that the school offers. She finished school at four because she stays after for homework club. Castiel picks her up and they usually eat at a fast food restaurant and then they go to Castiel second job at the local library. Castiel proceeds to work until close. Faith makes herself comfortable in the children's section completing any unfinished assignments or reading.

Tears threatened to spill from his azure eyes, "I loved that day to. We will do it again soon okay?"

"Okay." She murmured and promptly fell asleep.

She looked like him. She had the shape of his eyes, his mouth, God even the fine dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. The shape of her face favored Castiel, but she she's the same dark unruly hair and crystal blue eyes that had small flecks of emerald. As Castiel gazed at Faith he realized that the older she became the lighter her skin tone became as well.  When he had her all those years ago she had the same tanned skin as her father.

"Mr. Novak," a nurse called out quietly to Castiel and he tore his face away from his daughter, "we need to discuss what you want to do."

He rose once again and walked silently behind her until he collapsed into one of the chairs.

"I," he gulped air as fast as possible, "I don't know." he stated lamely.

Nurse Mosely gripped his hands and her milk chocolate eyes bore into his own blue ones, "I'll tell you what your going to do. You're going to be there for your daughter while I contact the insurance agency."

Castiel started into her kind brown eyes and he couldn't say anything, "You two will get through this." Castiel found himself nodding.

***

Castiel finds himself sitting in his couch staring listlessly. Faith's toys littered the floor. Everything was covered in a layer of dust. Castiel has spent the past two weeks in the hospital, only coming home to change and shower.

It was home alone when he felt the cracks in his composure and it eventually crumbled. He rose as tears streaked down his cheeks and walked into Faiths' room. He smiled blurrily as he looked around her room. You would think that it was a boys room. She loved Batman. Her room was small but filled to capacity.  

Three of her her walls were painted yellow, but the wall against her bed was painted black with the yellow bat symbol spanning across the middle.

The room smelled like Play-doh and crayons.

The scents of a happy child.

Castiel trembled as sobs racked his body, his little girl was sick. His little girl was dieing. No parent should have to endure such a fate.

He trembled as he rested on her batman comforter. His hands shook as he raised them to press against his mouth as he remembered his little girl in the room. Smiling as she reached for a book from her nightstand during bedtime. Running around the room trying to escape from bath time. Her face clammy and drawn as she looked at him and told him she didn't feel good.

He pressed himself further into the mattress as he remembered Dean. Good he had gone so long without thinking of him. Now his daughter--their daughter was dying. Dean has never even met her.

***

"Dean!" Castiel burst through his door. He glanced up from his homework, "Guess what!"

It was their senior year and there was only a few months left until graduation. Castiel's chest heaved as he gripped the sheet of paper between his hands.

"Jeez Cas take a breath."

He gulped air like a starving man, "Igotintobrownonafullride!" Came out in a rush, each word slamming into the next creating an unintelligible sentence that Dean had to slowly put together into something that he could comprehend.

Dean's eyes widened and a flash of something that Castiel couldn't identify peaked out, then suddenly it was gone and his face split into a wide grin, "Wow! congratulations man."

"I know right!"

"That's," he paused, "that's just wow."

Castiel was practically vibrating with excitement, "I can't wait to go and study creative writing and start getting published! Dean do you know what this means?" Castiel said his eyes glazed over.

Dean swallowed audibly, "What?" He murmured.

"All my dreams are going to come true."

"Well if that's the case then we have to celebrate." Dean stated.

"You're right, but I work all week and Luke wants to go out in Friday. How about I spend the night on Saturday? We can do something then."

"Yeah sure that sounds great."

"Okay," Castiel pulled Dean into a bone crushing hug, "I'll see you at school." Then he left just as quickly as he arrived.  Bounding down the stairs and out the door without realizing that Dean sounded different.

The next week was a blur. Luke and Castiel had dinner on Friday and then before he knew it it was Saturday.

Castiel was suddenly standing at the door of the single family bungalow that the Winchester's owned. He rose his arm to knock when the door was wrenched open and John Winchester stood there with blood shot eyes and the scent of whiskey surrounding him like a cloud.

"He's in his room." John slurred as he pushed past Castiel.

Castiel sighed and walked in.  He wondered what damage John caused this time.  He was not a physically abusive but that didn't mean he couldn't hurt the boys. Silently he closed the door and went up the stairs to Deans room.

He walked in through the open door and saw Dean stretched out on his bed.  He wore a pair of dark jeans that were ripped at the knee and a Led Zeppelin tee. The tee  was raised a bit because Dean had his arm raised and pressed against his eyes and a small strip of skin peeked out.

Castiel swallowed thickly as he watched Dean. Staring at that strip of tanned flesh.

"Cas I can feel you staring."

Castiel felt his face flush,  "I'm not staring." He mumbled.

Dean moved his arm effectively covering his tanned navel, "Go ahead and close the door. We can watch a movie while we finish off the half a bottle of tequila I swiped from my dad.  Sam is over at Jess' s house working on some project."

Castiel shifts uncomfortably, "I don't know Dean."

"Come on you have to celebrate in style."

"Dean do we have to?" He asked.

"If you don't want to that's okay I’ll just drink alone." Dean said as he looked at Cas with hooded eyes and a pout that should have been illegal.

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Alright fine!" He said exasperatedly, "I'll drink with you."

"Great," Dean rolled over on his bed and pulled a bottle and two plastic cups from under it. He poured the clear liquid into two cups and handed Castiel one after closing and setting the bottle in the dresser by his bed.

Both of them raised their cups,  "To your continued success Cas." Blue eyes locked into green as they tapped their cups together.  Instead of taking a sip Castiel downed the entire double shot at once.

"Cas man show down." Dean said as he laughed.

Together they drank what remained off the bottle while watching nonsensical television and it was around two am when Dean started to murmur to himself.

"What waz dat Dean?" Castiel slurred.

"I didn't say nothing" Dean countered defensively as he rose from the bed where they had been laying.

"Yes you did." Castiel said as he rose as well.

Dean became angry all of a sudden, "Look man I didn't say anything and you are drunk."

Castiel narrowed his eyes, "I'm fine, what's your problem?" He muttered to himself as he swayed slightly.

Dean heard him and his temper rose higher, "What's my problem," he shoved roughly causing him to stumble unsteadily,  “I'll tell you what my problem is. Its you! "

"What? What the heck did I do?" Castiel snapped once he regained his balance.

"You're leaving you douche. You're gonna go to Brown and find some hot person to be with and I'm gonna be stuck here. In Lawrence for the rest of my life."

"Dean what are you talking about you sent in all those applications."

Dean looked at Cas with a deep sadness in his eyes, "Cas I never filled anything out."

"What?" Castiel gasped as he rushed and stood in front of Dean, "why not?"

"You know why."

"I want to hear you say it."  Castiel demanded.  He needed to hear what Dean had to say because he had a small inkling of what it was.  He just needed Dean to confirm his fears.

"I didn't fill any out because I'm not smart enough for college." As soon as the words left his lips Castiel punched him.

Dean's head whipped back and his lip split. Blood trickled down his chin.

"Oh my God Dean I'm so sor--" Castiel began when suddenly Dean grabbed his face and pressed his soft lips against Castiel's chapped ones.

Castiel froze and then returned his kiss with fervor as he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. Castiel pulled Dean closer and suddenly they were pressed flush against one another and they broke the kiss to let our equally filthy moans. Dean’s erection pressed against Castiel’s creating glorious friction.

Dean started waking them back to his bed as their kiss grew In intensity. They began stripping one another as they fell into the bed. Dean kissed down Castiel’s chest until he reached the deep vee of his hips.  Dean looked up at Castiel with lust clouding his eyes, "Cas," he asked thickly, "can I?" He murmured as he stared at Castiel s tented boxers.

Castiel was on fire. He canted his hips looking for some type of friction in order to relieve some of the pressure he felt building inside of him.

"Yes, yes, yes,  please Dean" he gasped.  Anticipation rolled off of him in waves. Castiel had never felt anything like this before. Even when he engages in self stimulation it never felt anywhere near as pleasurable add this.  

Deans tongue darted out as he licked his lips.  He reached for the hem of his boxers and practically ripped them off.

Castiel moaned as he felt cool air touch his erection and then suddenly there was wet heat surrounding the head of his cock. Castiels hips jerked up and he released a rather loud groan as Dean bobbed his head and took more of Castiel. Suddenly he pulled off drawing a whine from Castiel, "Baby you have to be quiet for me. Can you do that?" Dean asked.

Castiel nodded vigorously. He could be quiet. He could be good.

Dean returned to the task at hand and slowly took Castiel all the way down until his lips brushed against his navel.

Dean returned to bobbing his head and Castiel gasped under him. It wasn't enough. "Dean" Castiel gasped, "Dean I need more. Wanna feel you inside me. Wanna be close to you." Castiel chanted.  Castiel wanted to be add close to him as possible even though he has never engaged in sexual intercourse of any kind. Castiel wonders of Dean knows this.

Dean raised his head and looked at Castiel, "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Castiel gasped.

Dean rolled off of Castiel and reached into a drawer beside the bed.  He grabbed the bottle of lube and a condom that he dropped on his way back to Castiel.

Dean murmured praise as he shifted Castiel into the position that he wanted. Once Castiel was on his back in the middle of the bed He squirted lube onto his fingers and took a moment to warm them as he gazed at Castiel spread before him like a banquet.

Slowly Dean eased a finger past the tight ring of muscle and began the slow task of opening up Castiel. He didn't want him to feel any pain and as Castiel withered underneath him Dean didn't stop until Castiel took three fingers easily.

Dean was desperate at that point.  He used more lube as he fisted himself. He looked at Castiel who was completely wrecked. Slowly Dean sank into the tight heat with a strangled moan and didn't stop until he bottomed out.  He froze allowing Castiel to adjust to being so full.

Dean didn't move again until Castiel canted his hips in frustration.

Slowly Dean pulled out and pressed back in, both of them letting out breathy moans. Dean set a rhythm that began slow but quickly dissolved in their drunken desperation.  The pace was borderline punishing but Castiel didn't mind because the heat that had steadily been building suddenly burst across the base of his spine and Castiel came with a small cry that Dean swallows with a bruising kiss. Castiel had reached climax untouched. Castiel painted their stomachs and chests with his release and then suddenly Deans rhythm faltered as his hips stuttered and then froze while he emptied himself inside of Castiel.

They both lay on the bed a sticky, sweaty, mess and fought to breathe. Castiel's eyes were so heavy.  Dimly he was aware of Dean cleaning up Castiel’s mess and curling next to him. The last thing Castiel heard as he drifted further into oblivion was Dean whispering a heartfelt  "Fuck" thickly.

***

Castiel woke to the sound of his phone vibrating. The sound echoing through Faiths empty room. He tried to shake the memory from his mind.  Castiel had apparently fallen asleep on her bed.

He fumbled for the phone,  "Hello," he rasped.

"Mr. Novak, it's nurse Mosely from the hospital," she said briskly, "I got in touch with your insurance agency and they stated that your policy sets them to pay seventy percent of the surgery."

Castiel sat up, his feet firmly planted on the floor, elbows rested against his thighs as he pressed the phone against his ear, "That's Good, seventy percent is good. What does that mean, I pay the remaining thirty percent?" He asked.

There was a pregnant pause, "Yes Mr Novak."

Hey silence made Castiel uncomfortable, "How much is thirty percent exactly?" He asked feeling despair claw its way to his heart.

"Thirty percent is thirty thousand, give or take."

Castiel released the breath that he didn’t know he was holding, "Okay then I want to have the surgery and get a payment plan set up."

"I'm sorry Mr. Novak but you can’t do that with surgeries such as this. You have to pay the thirty thousand first before the doctor can perform the surgery."  She said sadly.

Castiel can't catch a fucking break can he, "Ok then I will need a few days to get that kind of money together."

"Mr. Novak everything will be okay. "

"You can't know that. " Castiel whispered as he hung up the phone.

What is he going to do?  Castiel rubbed his face and rose. The rasp of his stubble reminding him that he needed to shave. Instead he showered and ate sparingly, he had a busy day ahead of him.

The next twenty-four hours were completely harrowing for Castiel. He spent the night in Faiths room explaining that he would have to get some money together and that she shouldn't worry if he is not around as often. Castiel spent the day contacting his bank in order to refinance his home, or pull a second mortgage, hell he would even take a loan. The bank was a bust, the housing market too bad. No loans either.

His second choice was donations, so he went to the local churches and they helped him raise two thousand.  Twenty eight to go.

Castiel withdrew Faiths college fund that he had steadily been building since he had her.

Seventeen thousand.

Castiel sold his car.

Nineteen point five thousand.

Castiel fingered the gold cross he had around his neck. It used to be his mother's. It was the only thing that he owned that was hers it was the one thing he still had with him after he ran away from home after his fight with his older brother. He left it on.

Castiel ransacked his house and pawned everything of value.

Twenty-two thousand dollars.

He sat in the couch in his livingroom once again. Hands trembling as he began counting everything once again hoping that there was more when a slim hand covered his.

His eyes trailed up the arm, past the Hermione tee, past the flaming red hair and into a kind face. Charlie looked at him with concern clouding her eyes and her messenger bag across her chest.

Charlie Bradbury has been his friend ever since he had Faith. After her early birth Castiel fell into a vicious cycle of postpartum depression.  Charlie had been assigned to him by the state at the time to help him cope with being a father. After he was deemed fit to care for Faith on his own Charlie stayed and they continued their friendship.

"Cas, take a breath." She murmured as she sat down next to him.

"I...I...can't." He gasped. It felt like his chest was closing, as if his lungs were too small to hold his ragged gasps.

"Breathe in, smell the roses, hold it," she held her breath with him,  "blow out the candles." She exhaled with him until Castiel’s breathing stopped coming in strangled gasps.

"Thirty thousand, Charlie, I don't have that kind--" Castiel began.

"I have an idea." She interrupted him, "now you might not like the idea, but too bad."

"What's your idea Charlie?" Castiel whispered.

"Faith's other father."

Every ounce of color drained from Castiel's face. He hasn't spoken to Dean in nearly a decade. Dean has never met their daughter. He doesn't even know that Castiel had a daughter. Now he was going to lose her too even though he had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"No, " Castiel said firmly,  "Charlie no. He made his choices clear."

"Cas you don't have a choice.  No, look at me," Castiel raised his eyes and looked into her sincere gaze framed by her halo of red hair, "I know he said some really mean things, but this is Faith that we are talking about and you need to put your emotions to the side and do this for her." She paused, "Now, I've cleared a few days with work so that I can stay with Faith and you're going to take my car and drive down to Lawrence and talk to him. Even if he doesn't want to help, he still has a right to know."

Tears welled in Castiel eyes, "She's my baby, I'm the one who's raised her and I’m the one failing her now because I'm too fucking poor."

"No baby that's not true, not one bit." Charlie consoled.

"It is! Don't you see, if I wasn't then I wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't be eight fucking thousand dollars short for a surgery that my fucking six year old daughter needs.  I wouldn't be contemplating leaving her in the hospital on her own in order to go to her other father who completely destroyed me on every single level by the way." He almost yells.

Charlie gives him a bored look, "Take my car and go." She said.

He had no choice. So Castiel locked up his house, went to the bank and deposited twenty two thousand three hundred seventy two dollars and ninety eight cents he found in Charlie's car. Then he drove them both to the hospital to see his little girl. She was asleep. He bent down giving her a lingering kiss on her crown.

He turned to Charlie who nodded and he left.

He was going to see Dean.

Someone he hasn't spoken to in nearly eight years.


	2. Revisiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel revisits Lawrence and it isn't an ideal reunion.

 

"Dean! Get your ass down here before you're late for work." Sam bellowed from the kitchen causing Dean's head to pound.

He was hung over again. Dean didn't mean to get so drunk last night but he wanted to drown out his misery. Dean heaved himself up and went to the bathroom. After showering and brushing his teeth he felt some what human. He dry mouth swallowed to pain pills and lumbered down the stairs.

There was Sammy the missing link between humans and yeti's. He looked bright eyed and rested. Instant hate started creeping under Dean's skin. In retaliation of his uppity brother Dean stole Sam's coffee. He split it out almost as soon as he took a sip. Sam had sullied the coffee with cream and sugar.

"Hey, you jerk." Sam exclaimed.

"Shut up bitch."

Dean poured a cup of real coffee and sat down across from Sam. Dean has to be at Bobby's shop in twenty minutes and Sam was home from Stanford so the plan was that they both go to Bobby's. Once the shop closed they were all going to have dinner.

"Did you even sleep last night?" Sam wondered.

"Yea, I got a couple of hours."

Sam have him a disapproving look,  "Dean, you need to get more sleep."

Dean ignored him and changed the subject, "What time is Adam coming in? "

After their father John passed a few years ago Adam showed up at their doorstep looking for him claiming he was his son. John Winchester on a drunken binge had slept with a woman and Adam was created.  Instead of explaining the situation to his sons John kept it a secret.  Apparently he had gotten into a fight with his mother Kate and decided to live with his dad not knowing that John had wrapped the impala around a tree and died on impact. Since then the three of them would get together. Sammy was at Stanford learning to be a lawyer, Adam was going to school to be a doctor leaving Dean as a lowly mechanic.

"Yeah he's supposed to meet us at Bobby's for dinner." Sam said.

"Ok well I'm done. I have to go in, you wanna come with me or make your way there on your own?" Dean asked as he rose to put on his shoes and jacket.

"Yeah I'll go with you. Let me grab my bag." Sam said as he walked out of the kitchen into the living room.

"Well hurry up bitch, I'll be in the car." Dean smirked as he left.

Sam grumbled as they left but Dean was secretly pleased that Sam was back. Ever since Ca--nope not thinking about him. Ever since Sam left for Stanford Dean has been lonely which was only reinforced by his disastrous relationship with Lisa.  Dean felt abandoned. Cas left him, Sammy left him, Lisa left him, it seemed like everyone Dean loved left him sonner or later.

Lisa claimed that he was unlovable because he couldn’t show emotion.  That came as a shock because he didn’t know that there was anything wrong.  It came out of left field and left him reeling.  Dean knew that he was a fuck up, but he thought that he had been able to hide it from everyone.  The only one who did not think that he was a screw up, he drove away.

After piling into the impala that Dean rebuilt after the accident they went off to see Bobby.

Bobby was already inside and Dean went to change into his navy blue overalls while Sam went into the office. Bobby was like a second father to them. He was always there when John was too drunk.

Robert Singer was a man who was gruff as he looked. He always wore a trucker hat that covered the gray on his head. He also had a beard that was almost never trimmed.  Bobby also never pulled any punches. He's yelled at Dean when he has deserved it. Given him advice when he needed it, as well as when he didn't. Best if all, he has always been there.

John checked out when their mother Mary passed when Sam was a baby.  He would spend months in a drunken stupor then suddenly sober up, work, something would trigger him and he would reach for the bottle again.  His family never really recovered after the loss of their mother, but Bobby was always there to help.

"You look like hell boy, how many hours you sleep last night?" He asked with a frown.

"Couple hours." Dean mumbled as he walked past him to work on a beat up Ford that had seen better days.

Bobby stood for a moment watching Dean before he asked, "Why ain't you sleepin'? You reaching for the bottle again?" He asked quietly.

Dean rose from where he was bent looking under the hood and turned to Bobby, "I don't know Bobby, maybe because I'm working two jobs trying to put not just one but two brothers through school?  Maybe because I have bills coming out of my ass. Maybe that's why I can't sleep." Dean snapped. He was tired of everyone criticizing his habits. He wasn't a drunk like his dad, but he did like to drink every now and then.

"That's a bunch of bull and you know it. Sam and Adam both have full rides, so you ain't payin' for nothin'. The bills in that house can't be high because you're never home. You work two jobs for no reason. So stop being a stubborn idijt." Bobby snapped.

"What the hell Bobby!"  Who was Bobby to make these accusations.

"Now I know that you're used to doing things you're own way and that your grown, but--"

"Uh guys," Sam interrupted, "there's a customer out here."

Bobby pointed at Dean, "I ain't done with you yet." And left to deal with the customer who had the best timing of all time. Dean wanted to kiss whoever it was in thanks.

"Dean--" Sam began.

"Don't start Sammy." He snapped, "I'm not I'm the mood for a chick flick moment. So take your girly hair back into the office and wait for it to dry."

He turned back to the car and ignored Sam until he left and then he let out a relieved breath.

Dean knew that he didn't have to work two jobs or that he had to support his brothers. Dean had a better reason to work two jobs. He was saving money to hire a private investigator to look for Cas and his child. He didn't even know if Cas had the baby. He didn't know if he had a son or daughter out there somewhere. He just knew that he wanted to be a part of its life.

For the past year and a half every time He closed his eyes he would see Cas' face tear streaked and hurt from the words that he said to him. It was his biggest regret. It was also why he couldn't maintain a committed relationship. He loved someone else.

His hands trembled as he tried to push thoughts of Castiel and the child he had never known from his mind.

After a few moments his thoughts went back to how he wasn't in a good place all those years ago. Hell it wasn't until recently that he started getting his life on track. After Cas left Dean found himself turning into John. He may have not sat down with him and drained a bottle but he drained them behind closed doors. John's death was a wake-up call  for Dean. It made him realize that he wasn't all the horrible things that John used to call him.

He wasn't worthless.

He wasn't useless.

That he wasn't a bad person for enjoying the company of both sexes. It was okay and the people who mattered didn't care anyways.

The only one who didn't know was Cas.

God how he had totally fucked that one up. He had wanted Cas for years and when they finally had a chance to be together Dean freaked out.

He closed his eyes and a flash of Castiel's completely devastated face flashed and Dean grimaced.

Dean went back to work. The only thing that he had ever been good at.

***

Castiel arrived in Lawrence at two in the morning. Somewhere along the way he had pulled over and preceded to have a panic attack. It took him two hours to calm down.

Currently, he was driving through the streets of Lawrence as memories washed over him.

His first kiss at the movie theater. It had been with a really sweet boy that for the life of him he couldn't remember his name.

He drove past the ice cream parlor that he was always at because his older brother Lucifer owned it. They came up with the name Satan's Sweets together.

He remembered sitting in his office and constructing the best sentence to tell Lucifer  about his sexuality and blurting out instead that he liked boys. It was by far one of the most terrifying and awkward moments of his life. Lucifer just smiled at him and proceeded to vividly describe the importance of safe sex. That was only after he described how to have hot gay sex as he colorfully put it.

Castiel smiled at the memory as he drove through his neighborhood. He slowed to a stop near Dean's house. Dean lived in the middle of the block, whereas Castiel lived at the end. His heart clenched when he saw the impala parked in the driveway.

All the lights were out meaning that he must be asleep. After shaking his head he continued down until he reached his brothers house.

Castiel stared at the single story house while he listened to the cars engine tick as it cooled in the autumn night. He sat for so long that his fingers began to shake from the cold.

He opened the car door and stepped up to the front door. His hands trembled as he reached up and pressed the bell. He flinched at the sound that seemed to echo through the entire quiet neighborhood.

He stood for so long that he didn't register the light flicking on or the door being wrenched open. All he saw was his big brother. His big brother standing in pink cupcake pajama bottoms that couldn't possibly be his own and a white sleep shirt.

He looked the same if not slightly older. He had blonde stubble darkening his cheeks and his hair stood in messy tufts that rivaled Castiel's own bed head.

Rubbing his eyes blurrily as he gaped at Castiel,  "Cassie, is that you?" He asked a split second before Castiel was pulled inside and enveloped in a hug that reeked of affection and regret.

Castiel fisted his hands in the back of his shirt and clung to him. For a moment he reveled in not having to have all of the answers. He clung to his big brother and felt free of any obligations.

They stood there for a long time while Lucifer murmured soothing words.

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay." He kept repeating.

Finally Castiel let go and stepped back. He raised his hands to his face and scrubbed, "Sorry I, just,  I didn't know where else to go."

Luke gripped his arm and pulled him into the living room after closing the door. They sat in the dark until Luke reached for the lamp.

"Before you start Cassie, I want to say I'm so sorry for some of the things that I said and I have wanted to take them back for so long. Secondly, are you okay?"

Castiel gave a small smile, "Luke, I know you didn't mean anything and as far as me being okay,  well it's complicated." Castiel said as he rose and reached for the liquor cabinet. He grabbed the whiskey, two glasses and the pack of cigarettes that were there.

Luke raised his eyebrow but took the items as he searched for a lighter and ashtray.

Once the drinks were poured they settled down, Lucifer lit a cigarette,  and Castiel told him everything.

He told him about moving into the little house that he and Faith shared. He told him about how terrified he was during the pregnancy and the complications he had. He told him about the emergency c-section he had to have before he was full term. He told him about the disastrous relationship that he entered into thinking that he could forget about Dean.  He finally ended with the events that led him to his door step.

By the time he finished they had drained two glasses each and Castiel was not exactly sober. He could count on one hand the number of times he drank. What was even rarer than him drinking was him smoking.

"So you're here to see Dean?" Luke asked quietly.

"Yeah." Was his only response as he stabbed his cigarette to put it out.

"Well come on then. Go up to your room and sleep. You can see him in the morning."

"Really, that's all you have to say. No rant about how he is no good."  Castiel murmured.

Luke barked out a laugh, "Don't get me wrong I still hate the guy, but this is something that is between the two of you. Just know that I'm here for you, always have been, always will be. Now come on, I'm tired and you are too."

Together they walked to the bedrooms and Castiel went to sleep for the first time in two weeks with a clear conscience.

***

For the second day in a row Dean found himself waking with a hangover. The only difference with this one is that he had both of his brothers to thank for it.

He rolled out of the bed and crept to the bathroom to shower.

He walked down the stairs to hear his brothers whispering. As soon as he walked into the kitchen he found them sitting side by side and every sound stopped.

"What?" Dean asked.

They looked at one another then back at Dean.

"Morning Dean." Adam said as he rose to pour Dean a mug of coffee.

"Thanks," Dean said suspiciously, "why aren't you two hung over too?" He wondered as he sat down across from them.

"We didn't drink as much as you did." Sam said disapprovingly.

"Yea, well, You missed out." Dean said as he raised the cup to take a sip.

It was quiet until Sam broke the silence by trying to start a discussion,  "Now don't get me wrong--" Sam started.

Dean interrupted him at once, "Really Sam, you wanna talk about feelings, I just woke up. Go store your vagina back in your room." Dean snapped. He didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I don't get it Dean you've been a dick every since Cas left."

Dean's fist came down on the table and the sound was so loud that all three of them flinched, all three mugs of coffee rattled and spilled onto the table,  "Don't you dare bring up his name." Dean said quietly. Dean didn't want to talk about Cas. In fact, Dean didn't want to talk about a damn thing.

Dean glared at Sam.

"Look Dean I'm--" he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Adam rose to answer it while Dean and Sam glared at one another.

"Listen, after I lost Jessica, I didn't know what to do either." A little under a year ago Sam was dating a wonderful girl, Jessica Moore. She was really awesome and to be honest, too good for him, but she died tragically in a fire at their apartment. Someone broke in and set fire to the house while Sam was at the library studying for finals. The police caught the guy eventually, but Sam still lost Jess. It took a long time for Sam to forgive himself for not being home.

"It's not like that Sam." The unspoken comment regarding the fact that Cas was alive and Dean the reason he left hung in the air between them.

They both quieted as they listened to Adam introduce himself at the door.

Who would even be here at Dean glanced at the clock and groaned, seven thirty.

"Go see who that is, I'm too hungover to deal with this right now." Dean told Sam and went up to his room to get ready for work and escape from both of his brothers.

***

Castiel blinked at the young man with blue eyes and light brown hair who answered. That was not Dean or Sam. He dressed similarly to them, but Castiel had no idea who he was.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"Uh, I think I have the wrong house." He heard himself say.

The stranger leaned against the door jab, "Well tell me who you're looking for and maybe I can help. My name is Adam by the way."

Castiel was confused, did Dean move? He glanced at the car in the driveway.  It was in fact the same car from eight years ago.

"Isn't that John Winchester' s car?" He asked.

Adam slowly stood upright and looked behind him. Someone was coming to the door. Castiel's heart quickened could it be Dean?

Castiel looked up and up. A huge grin split his tired face. It was Sam. He had the same hair cut. It made Castiel's smile wider. He certainly grew up.

The same time that Sam realized who he was Castiel's phone rang with the most ridiculous ringtone. Faith must have changed it again, it was Sir-Mix-A Lot's Baby Got Back. Sam snickered as Castiel excused himself to answer the phone.

"Hello Faith." Castiel deadpanned.

"Daddy where are you?  Charlie said that you had to go on a trip really fast to do something really important and I wanted to know if you found it?" Faith rambled making Castiel smile. His daughter spoke excitedly.

"No Queen Bee I still haven't found it. I'm close by though. Are you okay though?" Castiel asked worriedly, "I don't want you thinking that I don't love you, I just--"

"Don't worry daddy," Castiel could practically feel her roll her eyes, "I know you love me. Besides you are going to bring me a keychain right?" Faith has a slight obsession with key chains. Every time someone went in a trip she demands a key chain.

"Yes Queen Bee, I know." He replied.

"So when are you gonna be back daddy?" She asked nervously.

"Tonight. I'll be back tonight. I will call you and Charlie when I'm on my way okay?"

Castiel could hear her smile, "Okay daddy and don't forget my key chain!"

"Alright bug now I have to go, I'll call you soon okay. Oh and tell Charlie I said hi." Castiel murmured as he readied himself to hang up the phone.

Faith stayed on the line and Castiel smiled. They weren't done with their conversation,  "Faith, how much do I love you?" He asked.

"To the moon and back." She replied.

"And if I miss?" Castiel asked gravely.

"I'll still be with the stars!" She stated excitedly.

He glanced up and saw both Sam and Adam looking him curiously. He walked back to them as he hung up the phone.

Suddenly Sam enveloped him into a hard hug that spoke volumes of how much he missed him. Castiel hugged back with equal strength.

"Come on in Cas." Sam said. They all walked into the front room which looked vastly different.  

There were new couches and a tv.  It was the same center table but what really made Castiel pause was the smell. It didn't smell like anything. When he was younger the Winchester home always smelled like alcohol.  John Winchester was a drunk who made his sons lives miserable because he couldn't let go of the past. After Mary's death he was left a broken shell of a man who had to raise two boys. It still didn't excuse the way he had treated them.

"Yeah I know a lots changed since you left." Sam said almost as if he was reading his mind. "How've you been Cas?" He asked.

Castiel smiled weakly, "I've been better. I actually just came to speak to Dean regarding a private matter. I'm afraid I have a pressing engagement back at home."

Sam's eyebrow rose, "Yea sure, just uh, wait here with Adam, who is our little brother by the way. I'll go up and get Dean." He left the room.

Castiel looked at Adam in surprise.

Adam smiled, "Yeah imagine my surprise when I showed up and found out that I had two brothers."

"What the hell Sam!" Dean bellowed from upstairs.

The silence between Adam and Castiel was not uncomfortable, but rather soothing.  Castiel had prepared himself for the silence to be stifling. Before he knew it two sets of footsteps clambered down the stairs.

After eight years Castiel told himself that he was prepared to see Dean. He was so wrong. The Dean who walked into the front room was vastly different from the one he left behind.

Dean froze in the doorway. His eyes were comically wide and the same emerald that he remembered. They were slightly shadowed but still glimmered in the morning light that shone through the open drapes.

Stubble darkened his cheeks and there were a few wrinkles that Castiel didn't remember. He still has the same stocky frame but it filed  with muscles that must have come with his adulthood. His hair was slightly damp had if he had a shower recently.

He still wore the same clothes. Ripped jeans and a tee.

Castiel's chest tightened with a mixture of anger and excitement. Anger that he was there and excited for the same reason.

He opened his mouth to say hello when Dean cut him off, "What the hell are you doing here?" He shouted as he looked around as if looking for something.

All the hope that Castiel had that Dean had changed went out the window and he found himself retreating. He never even sat down.

Castiel realized that this trip had been a fools mission. That he had to come to terms with losing his daughter because he was not going to accept anything from Lucifer.

Castiel huffed a bitter laugh at the same time that Sam and Adam reprimanded Dean.

"I don't know why I even came here Dean. To be honest I thought that you had changed but it seems that I was wrong." He turned to leave and Castiel thought he heard Dean say something but all that he could hear was the dull roar of blood rushing in his ears.

***

Castiel sat in one of the stalls at the school. He held himself stiffly. His heart pounded in his ears so loudly that he's didn't hear the bell ring.

The box said that the results took one minute. Castiel had been sitting there for fifteen. He's can't bring himself to look at the results. He's knows what it's going to say. He's been feeling ill for the past two weeks. Throwing up everywhere. Not having an appetite for days then suddenly being ravenous. His sense of smell its heightened. He's cleaned the entire house that he and Lucifer shared and it still doesn't smell clean.

Slowly, like a dead man walking he's finally turned to the test. Castiel felt as if he was surrounded by molasses. His movements thick and heavy. His breathing became shallow as he grazed at at the results.  It was a digital one because he didn't want any uncertainty that come with the others. One word flashed mockingly, pregnant. Eight letters, two syllables completely wrecked his entire existence.

Castiel felt dizzy all over again. His head spun. When he closed his eyes to fight the fresh wave of nausea that wrapped itself around him like an unwanted blanket.

He looked down at his flat stomach and knew. He knew that he was going to keep it. He knew that this little clump of cells that was composed of Dean and his DNA was going to change his life forever.

He sat on the toilet listening to the beating of his heart and wondered what to do. He knew that he had to tell not only Dean, but his older brother Lucifer. How would they both react?

Castiel knew that Dean loved him. He just couldn't express himself well when it came to emotions. Dean may or may not be ecstatic about the prospect of having a child.

Lucifer on the other hand was going to be livid. Castiel knows for a fact that Lucifer will not throw him out as some other guardians would, but that doesn't mean he won't be angry.

Castiel flushed the toilet and threw out the test. He looked at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands.

His face was pale. It made his eyes look to big for his face and they stood out even more. Would their child have blue or green eyes Castiel wondered as he dried his hands.

As he left the restroom he bumped into someone. Automatically his hands went to his stomach to protect the baby even though he knew it was silly.

"Cas! Where have you been you missed most of class." Said a familiar voice. He looked up from the wide expanse of chest and broad shoulders he was looking at to ernest green eyes that belonged to Dean.

Castiel swallowed thickly. He knew he had to tell Dean but he didn't want to do it at school, "Dean," he said,  "I don't feel good. Can you take me home. I don't even care about class."

Dean looked concerned and that was a good sign right? Castiel wondered.

"Sure, let's just go to the nurse first." Dean said.

Castiel was lost in his own head while Dean took them both to the nurse and explained that Castiel wasn't feeling well. The nurse took one look at him and said they she had to contact his guardian first. After speaking with Lucifer she allowed Dean to take Castiel home.

Suddenly he was sitting in his front room and Dean hovered near by.

"Do you ever think about that night?" Castiel asked quietly. After their first time, or Castiel's rather, they never spoke of it. Not even once. Strangely Castiel didn't feel used, he was happy that Dean loved him enough to show it through his actions.

Castiel felt instead of saw Dean stiffen, "Why?" Dean asked.

"I don't really remember everything Dean I was pretty drunk, but I do know we engaged in sexual relations because I'm pregnant." Three seconds half of the sentence was told as Castiel looked into Dean's eyes.

Castiel expected him to smile, instead he visibly recoiled. That was when the first crack slipped across his heart. With dull eyes Castiel watched the only person he has ever truly loved look visibly ill by the thought of being a father.

"Bullshit Cas." Dean began.

Castiel held a hand up efficiently cutting off whatever Dean was going to say, "Watch your words carefully Dean." He murmured.

Anger flashed in his eyes, "I don't believe you. You're trying to trap me."

"Are you serious Dean." Castiel asked quietly.

"You got pregnant on purpose. That's the only explanation. You seduced me and intentionally got pregnant. How long have you been planning this? How long have you been off of your birth control?" Dean roared.

Castiel felt his world break for a second time. His stomach twisted in greasy knots. It made Castiel want to cry. Dean actually believed what he was saying.

"Dean I was never on any contraceptives because I never had sex. I didn't intentionally become pregnant." He took a deep breath, "I don't understand why--"

"You're getting rid of it right?" Dean demanded.

There was a long pause as various tried to regulate his breathing.  Dean whispered,  "That whole night was nothing but a mistake and I regret ever sleeping with you."

Castiel reached up and touched the wetness in his cheeks and it was then that he realized that he was crying.

"No please Dean--" Castiel began.

"Don't okay, just, don't. I'm not a fucking faggot like you. Don't come near me ever again. Keep your abomination to yourself. " And with those last words he walked out leaving Castiel trembling.

Castiel sobbed when he saw Luke standing in front of him his face flushed in fury.

"Castiel," he said sharply using his full name instead of the dreadful nickname he coined, "did I just overhear that you were pregnant?"

Castiel remained silent.

"How could you be so reckless. Look at you, he's not going to help you and you're going to be saddled with some child like I wa--" he cut himself off.

Castiel's head snapped up, "Like what? Lucifer, like you were?" he heard himself continue numbly, "I'm sorry that I've been such a burden to you." He said softly and then he rose stiffly and walked out leaving Lucifer stunned into silence.  

Lucifer never wanted to raise Castiel. He had been attending classes at Kansas University when he was called by the hospital. Castiel and his parents had gone out to dinner to celebrate a perfect score he received on a project for school when a distracted driver slammed into them causing the car to spin on the icy roads. It finally crashed into a ditch along the side of the road.

Their mother had died instantly because she took the brunt of the crash. His father clung to life for a few precious hours before his body succumbed to his injuries. Castiel however had fallen asleep in the back and was laying down when the accident happened.

He survived with just a broken arm and nose. By the time Lucifer arrived at the hospital they had both become orphans.

Lucifer dropped out of school and took over raising twelve year-old Castiel.  He didn't know that Lucifer ever regretted being there for him. A dark cloud descended over Castiel.  

Castiel was not going to give up his child and if no one was going to help him then so be it.

Castiel walked to his room and packed a bag. He then went to his bank and withdrew all his money. Purchased a bus ticket and left his life behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted a day early so Happy New Year everyone! Also wanted to point out that I am a parent and children have the weirdest fascination with the weirdest things. Without further ado, I will hopefully post chapter three on Monday. Have a happy new year
> 
> nevermoreraven
> 
> PS: Thanks for reading


	3. Making up for Lost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next few hours where nerve wracking and some of that time was spent contacting Luke to make arrangements for their stay. The rest of the time was spent winging his hands and waiting.
> 
> Contemplating if he was doing the right thing. Wondering if going home meant a new beginning.
> 
> He closed his eyes and prayed for God to take care of his daughter as she lay on the table with the doctor cutting into her frail chest. He prayed that he was doing the right thing. He prayed for so long on the stiff backed chair that his legs and shoulders became numb from the position that he was in. He prayed that everything would be alright.

 

Castiel stormed past all three of the brothers and made it as far as the middle of the block before he was wrenched around by a hand on his shoulder.  He whirled to see Dean standing before him.  

All of Castiel’s rage bubbled into one single action.  He was livid.  Dean was denying not only him, but their daughter as well.  Something that he could understand when they were younger because of the fact that Dean was not an adult, but now, now Castiel couldn’t forgive him. Castiel couldn’t forgive the months leading up to Faith’s birth and how terrified he was.  He couldn’t forgive Dean for rejecting him and pushing him to run away.  

Castiel felt his heart pound against his ribs as if it was a trapped animal.  He felt caged in and he refused to allow it.  Before he knew what was happening his arm swung out.

The resounding crack that echoed across the empty street was thunderous.  There was a perfect imprint of Castiel’s hand against Dean’s cheek.  It flamed red as blood quickly pooled at the point of impact.

Castiel’s breath heaved from his chest as he glared at Dean, “Don’t you dare touch me.” he snapped.

Dean was frozen.  His cheek on fire as he gaped at Castiel.  He had never seen him so angry in his entire life.

"Why did you come back Cas? Is it because you want something?" Dean accused.

Castiel gazed at Dean before replying, "I came back to see if you had changed, I guess I was wrong." He said said sadly.

Castiel could feel his rage batter his thoughts and body. He doesn't know how much longer he could cling to the remains of his sanity. Castiel knew that if Dean said the wrong thing that he would snap.

“Cas, just hear me out. I promise I wont touch you.” Dean said as he rubbed his sore cheek. His tone was was low as I'd he was speaking to a skittish horse and not a human being.

After drawing in a deep breath to hopefully calm down Castiel stared over dean's shoulder because new couldn't bare to look at dean. He saw sam and adam a few houses down giving them privacy.

“Speak.” Castiel all but snarled.

“I--I’m sorry. I didn’t, I mean, I wasn’t expecting to…” Dean began.

“Spit it the fuck out,” Castiel actually snarled, “I don’t have all day.  I still have to drive back.”

Dean gaped for a second time.  Castiel cursed.  Dean has known him all his life almost and he can count on one hand the number of times that Castiel has ever used foul language as he calls it. “I don’t know how to talk to you when you’re like this…”

Castiel crossed his arms, “Really, you don’t know how to talk to me?  Because I can remember a time when you didn’t want to talk to me Dean.  I can recall a specific moment when you had the audacity to make the claim that I was attempting to trap you into a relationship or some other far fetched idea.  I remember you knew how to talk to me when you called me a faggot because you weren’t man enough to accept that I was carrying your child. I remember being pregnant and alone living in a homeless shelter until I had enough money to rent an apartment.  I remember having my child two months early because I was so malnourished from being homeless.  I remember being in that situation and you not being able to talk to me.  So please Dean, tell me why I should stand here speaking to you after everything that I have been through?” Castiel shouted.

Dean did not have a single response to anything that Castiel was saying, he could only flush in shame under Castiel’s glare.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought Dean.” He spread his arms mockingly and stepped away from Dean, “I’m sorry to have bothered you, but I am going to go back to my child now.”

“Wait,” Dean finally croaked, “tell me---tell me why you came back.”

Castiel was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing. He knew it was petty and wrong on more than one level, but he couldn't stop the words that tumbled from his lips, "I didn't come back for anything. I'm sorry to have bothered you. Go on back to your normal and happy life. I never needed you to begin with." A broken laugh tore through his mouth, "after all Dean. I wouldn't want you to think I'm burdening you with my problems. You know,the way you always burdened me. Telling me about your dad and how he treated you." Castiel choked back a sob, "don't worry Dean, coming here was an error on my part. I won't repeat it."

With those last words Castiel turned around and ran to Charlie's car. He jammed the key into the ignition and for the second time in his life fled the town that raised him without so much as a good bye.

***

Dean couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Cas was here. In the flesh and he had to fuck it up. Dean could only watch as Cas tore or of the neighborhood leaving him behind for a second time.

Dean felt his chest tighten. November's cold fingers wrapped around Dean's throat until he felt as if he was going to die rooted to the sidewalk.

"Dean," Sam murmured, "Come on let's go inside."

Dean snapped terrified eyes at his brother. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Adam stood on the other side of Dean and gently gripped his shoulder, "Dean it’s cold come on let's go in we will talk about it."  

Dean realized that he had run outside in nothing but a tee and jeans.  He began to shiver from the cold realization that he messed up as well as the weather.  

Both younger brothers led their older one inside. It was like he was a child instead of an adult. They sat on either side struggling not to spook him.

"Dean what's going on. Why did you treat Cas like that?" Sam gently asked.

"I'm such an asshole Sam. You," he took a deep breath, "you have no idea. I've been hiding something from you, from everyone actually."

"Dean no matter what it is we are going to be here for you." Adam stated.

There was a hard knot in Dean's stomach. A stubborn ball that lodged in his throat making it very difficult to breathe let alone speak. He swallowed thickly, "I'm not much for chick flick moments and you two know that. Just know that when I tell you I can't take it back." He scrubbed his face hard with both hands. Instead of lowering them he kept them pressed to his face as he mumbled, "I have a kid with Cas, or had, I really don’t know if he had the kid or not.  I ran my mouth when we were younger and he left and now my mouth got away from me again."

Dean couldn't bare to look at his brothers. He didn't want to be rejected even though he knew that they wouldn't do that. Dean was a coward he knew that. He didn’t feel like getting yelled at for being a big bag of dicks.

The shocked silence continued for so long that Dean lowered his hands and stared at the floor.

Sam was the first person to break the silence. Adam doesn't even know who Cas was because the subject had always been too painful for Dean to talk about.

His body felt like it wasn't his own. As if he was possessed by some demon that made him do and say horrible things to Castiel. Dean lost track of the conversation as he became lost in his own mind.

"Dean I asked you a question." Sam grumbled.

Dean finally looked at him, "What?"

"I said that's okay Dean but what are you going to do? What do you want?"

Dean looked at him, "I don't know Sam."

Dean rose, "I have to get out of here. I need to find him." He made for the door, "Sorry guys but I just can't sit here. He's in town I need to find him."  He reached for his keys and jacket.

Dean made up his mind. He was going to find Castiel and not be an asshole. He jogged to the impala and slid behind the wheel. With the twist of his wrist he turned her on and listened to the engine purr.

After pulling out of the driveway the first place he went to was Lucifer's ice cream parlor. He slowed when he realized that the car that he saw Castiel driving wasn't there.

Dean continued driving trying to glimpse Castiel when he remembered that there was a secluded corner of town that Castiel loved to go to in order to think.

Dean made a sharp u-turn in the middle of the street and speed to the other side of Lawrence.

The closer he's got to Castiel the louder his heartbeat became.

After making the final turn to where Castiel was he sighed in relief.

Cas sat on the ground leaning against the door. It was a god awful yellow, and a hatchback.

Dean parked the impala a few spaces down from Castiel and sat in the car trying to collect his own thoughts. He noticed that Castiel was on the phone with someone.

He waited until he was done to give him some privacy and to collect his own thoughts.

He watched as he rose, it was now or never.

He finally climbed out of the car.

"Cas I know you don't want to see me but can we stay over." He finally asked.

He watched as Castiel took a deep breath and nodded.

Dean finally took the time to actually look at Cas. He smiled when he's realized that he was wearing the same tan trench coat. It looked like he was wearing a pair of jeans underneath and possibly a sweater but Dean couldn't tell what color.

Cas always had crazy bedhead, but right now his hair stood out even more. The silly black strands were in clumps every which way. The clear blue eyes that Dean loved were shadowed and sinking into his skull giving him a hollow look. His skin was paler than usual even with the cold wind whipping color into his cheeks. His lips are red and bitten from how many times he worried his lips. Is a nervous habit that he didn't know he had.

Castiel's frame filled out. Yeah sure he was still lean but there was a silent strength behind him.

"Cas I'm sorry. I know I'm an asshole. Just please let me get this off my chest and then you can decide what to do. Whatever your decision is I will follow it." Dean's eyes bore into Castiel's, "please Cas let me just say my piece."

Dean's breath caught when he watched Castiel squint his blue eyes and tilt his head in confusion, but he nodded. Dean watched fascinated as his long skin fingers slipped into one of the pockets in his coat and withdrew a pack of cigarettes and slipped a slim stick between his lips. Dean gaped as he lit it and took a deep drag.

"Uh, when did you--" Dean started.

Cas glared at him, "Dean continue before I change my mind."

"Right Ok, um, well uh, I'm sorry. You have no idea how much Cas. I regret what I said to you. I mean, Jesus, we were kids and I know that isn't a good excuse but I was terrified." Dean took a deep steadying breath, "I was a mess after you left. I ended up turning to the bottle. I drowned myself for a long time Cas. Then John died and I didn't want to be him. Chasing away his shadows with Jim, Jack, and Jose but I stopped. Got my life back on track." Dean glanced at Cas and continued.

"Now I don't know why you came back but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the, the crap I said. The crap I put you through. The things I said to you. I'm sorry that I pushed you away and that you had to have our child alone and raise him or her alone. I'm sorry for being an all around douche. I just--don't go. Please?" Dean ended.

His throat was tight and his eyes filled with unshed tears. It made his vision blurry so he cleared his throat and waited for Cas to respond.

Cas was quiet for a long time after Dean finished. He contemplated his next sentence. Dean watched add hooks eyes darkened with something that he's couldn't identify.

"Dean, I don't know what to say. I am going to answer your question as to why I came back. My--our daughter," Dean's eyes widened at the new revelation, "is ill. She needs surgery Dean. I have most of the money to pay for it, but I am still short a substantial amount of money."

"How substantial?" Dean wondered. His heart was pounding. He had a daughter and she was sick. She needs surgery there was no way Dean wasn’t going to help out, she needed him to be there. He was going to take care of his family.

"Are you asking because you want to help or to reject me again?" Cas asked.

Dean looked at him with sad eyes and he couldn't even be angry at his reply because Dean was a dick. "I'm asking because I do want to help Cas I may need you to tell me how much."

"I need a little under eight thousand. I sold most of my possessions and received donations but I only have twenty two thousand. I came back hoping that you could give me the remaining eight." Cas paused to take a deep breath, "can you do that Dean?" he asked as he flicked the butt of the cigarette to the ground.

Yeah, he could do that but he wants something in return, "Cas," Dean began, "I don't have a problem giving you the money, but I do want you to do something for me. I want to meet her. I want to get to know my daughter."

Castiel looked at Dean for a moment before he responded. It took him so long to speak that Dean began to fidget and scuff his shoe in the grass.

"I don't know if I can do that," Cas raised his hand to stop the onslaught of words that Dean was going to say, "the reason for that Dean is because I don't know how she will handle it. You can't flit in and out of her life at your every whim. She needs stability. You have to prove that you're worth it."

That was something that he could do, "Ok Cas, yeah, we will do it like that. I will prove myself, not only to her but to you as well."

Cas was quiet again, "I hope so Dean." He finally said.

Together they piled into the Impala and drove to the bank. Dean wired the money to Castiel's bank and they went their separate ways.

Dean sat in the dark for several hours after Castiel left. Lamenting the fact that he never asked their daughters name. Or to see a picture. At the time his mind raced at the fact that his little girl was sick. His heart rolled in his chest at the thought of losing something so precious before he had a chance to meet her. He visibly blanched at the idea that he had been so cruel to Cas.

He poured himself two fingers of whiskey and thought of ways to prove his worth to his family.

His last thought before sleep dragged him under was what color her eyes could be. Are they blue or green?

***

Castiel pulled into a parking space at the hospital a little after three am. He was exhausted.

He reeked of smoke and winced, maybe he should have stopped at home to shower but he really wanted to see his daughter.

The drive back was made in turmoil.  Castiel wondered if he was making the right decisions when it came to Dean. Was he too hard on him. Maybe Dean has changed, yet he couldn't excuse Dean for his actions. Regardless of what Castiel felt for Dean, Faith was his main concern. Should he tell her that he went to see her other father? Should he keep quiet?

Dean has no hold over her, but how can Castiel deny Faith from seeing him?  Castiel had always been honest with her. She knows that she has another father and she also knows that he was scared when Castiel made the decision to leave.

What if he hurts her? What if he destroys her the way he did to himself? Is Castiel really ready to expose his daughter to heartbreak so early? Is he ready to pick up the pieces of his daughter when he just recently put himself back together?

Castiel pondered all of these questions as he finally entered Faith's room in the hospital. Charlie was sound asleep on the couch and Faith was curled up on her bed.

He smiled at the sight they made. His heart considerably lighter with the knowledge that his daughter was going to be okay.

He stood near the bed and pressed a firm kiss on her crown and went to sit in the chair.

Castiel closed his eyes and waited for the dawn to break add he tried to settle his mind.

What felt like a few minutes was actually a few hours because when Castiel opened his eyes his daughter was awake and grinning. She was speaking quietly to nurse Mosely. Charlie was still asleep on the couch curled up like a kitten.

Castiel cleared his throat, "Good morning. "

"Good morning sleepyhead, glad to see you're back." Nurse Mosely stayed cheerfully.

Castiel smiled, "it's good to be back. I was wondering when the doctor would be in this morning?"

"Oh he's here already. I'll go ahead and call him for you." She said as she left the room.

"Daddy, what time did you come back?  Charlie and I stayed up really late to wait for you." Faith said with bright eyes.

"I got in pretty late sweetheart."

There was a loud groan from the couch, "Why is this stupid thing so lumpy." Charlie bemoaned.

Castiel and Faith laughed at Charlie as she glared at them both.

"Welcome back Cas. We missed you around here."

"I missed you two as well--" there was a knock at the door and Faith's doctor entered the room. Castiel rose to meet him.

Once they were outside of the room Castiel informed him that he wanted Faith to have the surgery and that he had the required amount of money.

The doctor nodded and told him he would inform the nurses when he had the surgery scheduled.

An hour later the doctor returned to inform them that the survey was scheduled for Wednesday, four days from then. He also stressed the importance of the aftercare that Faith needed to receive.

The next few days went by in a blur of worry and laughter. Castiel was still worried about everything but he held steadfast in caring for his daughter.

On the morning of Faith's surgery Castiel finally worked up the nerve to speak top hooks daughter about Dean.

"Faith, you never asked me where I went when I left."

She looked up from the board of chess that they were playing. Our want something that children tended to play with but for some reason she loved the game.

"I know daddy, I figured that you would tell me when you wanted to."

Castiel's heart swelled at her words and he paused before he spoke, "I went to see your other father. I--asked him for help and he, and he did. He wants to meet you."

Her eyes widened comically before she whispered, "Really?"

Castiel cleared his throat, "Yes really. You know that I am going to need help taking care of you when the surgery is finished so I wanted to know if you would be okay with visiting your uncle Luke for a while? Your other dad lives in the same town." Castiel paused because he needed a moment before he told Faith the rest, "I don't want you to feel pressured. If you don't want to meet him that's fine, but I want you to know whatever you decide I will obey."

She tilted her head to the side a mannerism that Castiel knew was his own before, "I don't know daddy, I mean I do want to meet him but what if he doesn't like me?  What if he really doesn't like me?" She asked.

Castiel's eyes flashed, "He could never not like you baby. He--when he found out about you when you were a baby he was just scared. He's all grown up now. I told him that he had to prove himself to us."

Faith's eyes brightened, "He has to show his worth. The same way that Batman had to when he was in prison."

Castiel smiled, leave it to his daughter to inject a Batman reference, "Yes Queen Bee, like batman."

A thoughtful look passed over her face, "If we go then I get to meet uncle Luke and my other dad at one time? Yes daddy I want to go."

Castiel smiled as he gazed at his little girl who was already so grown up. "Okay sweetheart." He murmured as the nurses came in to take her to surgery.

The next few hours where nerve wracking and some of that time was spent contacting Luke to make arrangements for their stay. The rest of the time was spent winging his hands and waiting.

Contemplating if he was doing the right thing. Wondering if going home meant a new beginning.

He closed his eyes and prayed for God to take care of his daughter as she lay on the table with the doctor cutting into her frail chest. He prayed that he was doing the right thing. He prayed for so long on the stiff backed chair that his legs and shoulders became numb from the position that he was in. He prayed that everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. I'm working on the epilogue now, but Chapter 4 will hopefully be posted by Friday.


	4. Meeting Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith was bored. Her uncle Luke, who was really cool by the way, went to work and daddy was sleeping. She didn't want to wake him up. He looked so tired.
> 
> Slowly Faith crept past her father's sleeping form and silently as possible she put on her shoes and coat. She slid the Batman hat on her head and took her gloves and the sidewalk chalk. Faith eased the door open and slid outside.
> 
> She still wasn't allowed to stay outside for a long time because it was too cold and daddy said there was still the risk of infection which is really bad.
> 
> Faith put on her gloves and walked to the sidewalk that led to the front door. She didn't want to be far away from her dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you all know that this chapter is in the perspective of Faith, Dean, and Cas. I wanted to try something new. Let me know how you like it because I might be tempted to do the same thing with the Epilogue. Also, I totally did not have the chance to look for my mistakes so please feel free to point them out so that I can fix them.

Faith was bored. Her uncle Luke, who was really cool by the way, went to work and daddy was sleeping. She didn't want to wake him up. He looked so tired.

Slowly Faith crept past her father's sleeping form and silently as possible she put on her shoes and coat. She slid the Batman hat on her head and took her gloves and the sidewalk chalk. Faith eased the door open and slid outside.

She still wasn't allowed to stay outside for a long time because it was too cold and daddy said there was still the risk of infection which is really bad.

Faith put on her gloves and walked to the sidewalk that led to the front door. She didn't want to be far away from her dad.

She doesn't remember much of the drive to daddys old home town but she remembered being in the car forever.

After she left the hospital she was always sleepy and her chest hurt. She wanted to be a big girl and not cry in front of her day but she couldn't. She cried for a long time. Until she fell asleep actually.

This town wasn’t so bad.

It was a little small and it had a lot of old people.

Faith really missed her friends. She was sad that she couldn't go to school for like another whole month.

Daddy still makes her do homework even though she doesn't go to class, she made a face remembering math. She hates math. It doesn't matter that is so easy, she still doesn't like it.

Faith put the box of chalk down and chose the yellow one. She wrapped her scarf tighter around her face as she doodled on the sidewalk with different colors.

She wondered when she would get to meet her other dad. A small sliver of fear washed over her. She wanted her other dad to really like her. Then maybe he would like daddy again and they could be a whole family the way that her friend Jessie had. Sure he had a mom and dad and a older sister, but they were a whole family.

Faith really loves her daddy, but sometimes she wishes she had her other dad to. Maybe then the mean girl Lester Muller won't make fun of her for only having one dad.

Maybe Meanie Muller will leave her alone.

Maybe her dad will come by and want to hang out with her.

Faith wondered what he looked like.

Did he have colored eyes? Were they blue like daddy's or are they a different color.

What color is his hair?

Is he taller than daddy our shorter?

Is he mean or nice?

Will he like her or not?

Daddy told Faith a little bit about her dad but every time he does his eyes get all sad and Faith doesn't want him to be sad. So she stopped asking.

She knows that he was scared and that's why he was mean to daddy.

The bright November day was fun. It was a little cold or but that only made the sky seem bluer. There weren't a lot of clouds in the sky which is why when a shadow fell across her she looked up.

It was a man. He was wearing jeans and a really big leather jacket.

He looked funny too. Like he wanted to cry. Faith squinted at him as he stood there for a really long time. Faith want supposed to talk to strangers but maybe if she introduced herself then they wouldn't be strangers anymore.

She grinned at her really smart idea, "Hi mister." She chirps.

The man was really funny. He still looked at her and his face was twisted funny. He swallowed before saying, "Hey there." In a strangled voice.

Faith blinked at the man.  He had kind green eyes that looked really watery. He had blonde hair that looked spiky.

His eyes followed her every move but not in that really creepy way, more like he was learning about her.

"My name is Faith Novak. What's yours?" She asked long since abandoning her chalk.

"Dean," he cleared his throat because he sounded funny, "my name is Dean Winchester. "

Faith grinned even wider, "Cool!  Now we aren't strangers any more. "

Dean laughed at her logic. "You're a smart one aren't you?"

"Yeah I really am!" She declared.

Dream laughed and he had a nice laugh.

"I see you like batman." He said.

Faith frowned until she remembered that she was wearing her batman hat. She blushed when she realized it.

She smiled shyly, "The boys at school make fun of me because I like him. My daddy's the worst, he thinks Superman is better. He's so weird."

Dean laughed again and Faith realized that side had been outside for a long time. Her hands were cold even though she wore get favorite gloves.

Dean laughed, "Yeah I know what you mean. Superman had powers which is totally cheating by the way."

"Oh my God! I know right daddy tells me that Batman is just a spilled rich brat. That superman is a real person."

"Real person? How much more real can you get with being human and not an alien with super powers pretending to be human." Dean exclaimed.

"You just like Christian Bale." Came the gravely voice of Faith's father.

Faith whipped around when she saw her father, she worried that he would scold her for talking to a stranger so she rushed to say, "Daddy this is Dean. We were talking about Batman."

Her daddy smiled at her, "I know baby. Why don't you go inside it's cold out here. Dean," he looked at him, "would you like to come in?"

Faith looked back at him and he was starting really hard at daddy. His eyes were watery again. He took a deep breath and nodded.

Faith went inside after getting her chalk and went to the livingroom where daddy was sleeping. She moved all the pillows and sat down.

"Queen Bee why don't you take off your shoes and coat and go to our room I want to talk to Dean for a minute." Her daddy said.

"Okay can I color?" Faith asked.

Daddy gave her a tired smile but nodded.

Faith ran and did as her father asked. She sat on the bed a colored forever. She quickly got bored and rose to go to the kitchen for some juice. She heard her daddy talking but didn't pay attention, to intent on getting something to drink.

"Faith," she paused in the process of opening the fridge, "could you come here a minute?" Her father asked.

She nodded and realized that he couldn't see her, "Sure daddy."

She walked into the living room and noticed that Dean was still there. He looked like he had been crying.

Faith walked to her daddy and sat down next to him.

She didn't understand why Dean was still here but didn't mind it. He seemed like a cool guy.

Her father turned to her and stared into her eyes, "Faith you know that I love you and that I will always love you, but there--" Daddy was quite, "Re-remember at the hospital what we talked about."

Faith scrunched her face as she tried to remember, all she could think about is the talk about her other dad and coming to stay with her uncle.

"A little bit. We talked about coming here and my other dad," she said hesitantly. Every time she asked her daddy about her other dad he would get quiet  and dad and she didn't want that to happen.

He smiled, "Yes Faith, your other dad. Well, he, it's, Dean, Dean is your other dad."

Faith's heart beat fatter as she whipped around and looked at Dean.

***

Castiel sat on the hospital bed.  Nineteen and a father.  Granted there were others who entered into parenthood who were much younger, but most of them weren’t runaways.  Castiel took a deep breath and scratched at the IV that was in his arm.  The tape was really itchy.

He looked over at the small crib that housed his daughter.  She was two months early. She was fully developed, but so small.  Castiel couldn’t believe that she was here.  He didn’t know what he was going to do.  He lived in a shelter.

He was homeless.

What was he going to do?

He didn’t want to give up his daughter.  She was swaddled in one of the hospital blankets that were generic and made to fit both genders.

Castiel didn’t even know what happened.  One minute he was at the library researching ways to receive public aid until he could find work when he felt dizzy.  He had pushed his seat back intent on getting a glass of water when the world spun around him.

Suddenly he was sprawled on the floor feeling wetness between his legs.  One of the librarians had seen him fall and she rushed over to see if he was alright.

It was a blur after that.

He remembered being in an ambulance.

Then the hospital.

That was when he passed out.

When he woke there had been a nurse in the room and she rushed to get the doctor when Castiel became hysterical because he couldn’t feel his daughter.

That was when the doctor came in and told him that he had an emergency c-section because his daughter was under duress.  

She looked so small.  

Everytime he reached out to touch her his hands trembled and he pulled back.

His daughter was a few hours old and he hasn’t touched her.

He hasn’t held her.

He doesn’t know how.

He has never changed a damn diaper.

He was the youngest.  Hell, he was still a baby.

Castiel tried to push aside thoughts of Dean and his brother.

Did they miss him?  Did Dean even care that he was gone?  Did they wonder where he went?

How was he going to do this alone?

Castiel went to rub his face and his fingers came away with wetness.  He was crying.  He glanced at his daughter again when someone walked into the room.

It was a woman, she was so small.  She had a messenger bag that was slung across her chest and a band tee under a simple leather jacket.  She had red hair that fell along her shoulders and back.

“Hi,” she said cheerily, “my name is Charlie.  I work with new parents here at the hospital.  I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?”

Castiel looked at her but didn’t respond.

“Okay, so, I am going to take that as a yes.  First question, how are you feeling?”

Castiel continued to stare at her but he responded, “I--I don’t know.”

She smiled kindly, “It’s okay, I know it must come as a shock having her so soon.  She’s beautiful by the way.  What did you name her by the way?”

God, he had to name here.  How could he be responsible for taking care of a small person when  he could barely take care of himself.

“Nothing yet.” He murmured.

“Thats okay, you can take your time picking a name.  Did you have anything in mind?”

“No, not really.  I--I have been calling her Queen Bee, because I love bees and when I was pregnant she ruled me like a queen.  I don’t know what I am going to call her though.”

“Thats alright.  I’ll call her Queen Bee too.  So next question, emotionally, how are you doing?  I know it must be a shock to wake up and find out that you are a parent when you still had two months to go.”

“I don’t know.  I feel happy, and then again I feel sad.  It--it hasn’t been easy.  I’m by myself.  I have to raise her on my own.  I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Don’t worry about that now, you will do fine.  Everyone goes through thinking like that.”  Charlie said softly.

“How?  I am a high school dropout.  I was rejected by her other father and I ran away from home after having a big fight with my brother.  I want to be a good dad, but how am I supposed to do that when I can barely take care of myself?”  Castiel wondered out loud.

“Castiel there are plenty of programs that are available to help you, all you have to do is ask.”  Charlie stated a matter of factly.

Castiel blew out a breath and admitted, “That was why I was at the library yesterday.  I should have done this a long time ago, but I kept putting it off.  I was researching different government aid programs to help me.”

Charlie beamed at him, “I know just the thing.  I have worked with the public aid system for a long time.  I am going to bring you the paperwork so that you can fill it out and I will even turn it in for you.  What were you looking at specifically?”

Castiel worried his lip, something that he hadn’t done since he was a child, “A, uh, a place to live that accepts carrier fathers,” he let out a shuddering breath, “a LINK card, and some type of medical insurance.”

Charlie tilted her head to the side and looked as if she was calculating something in her head, “Okay, so, I am going to get all that paperwork for you and when I come back tomorrow you are going to have to fill all of that stuff out.  Have a name for Queen Bee, unless that is what you want to name her, so that we can fill out all her paperwork like birth certificate, and social security number.”

He jerked his gaze to her and started to panic slightly, “I have no idea what I am going to name her.”

Charlie smiled, “Don’t worry, it will come to you.  I noticed that you had an uncommon name, do you want to keep with that theme?”

“I was named after an angel and so was my brother, I don’t know if I want to subject her to some of the criticisms that I encountered as a youth.” Castiel mumbled.

Charlie smiled, “Kids are always mean Castiel, don’t worry about things like that right now.  Focus on yourself and your daughter.  That is the only thing you should be thinking about next to bonding with her.  Children love unconditionally and that is the only thing that matters.”  She glanced at the clock, “I have to go now though.  I have  a hot date with my girlfriend,” she winked at Castiel, “but I will bring those papers with me tomorrow.”

She held her hand in a symbol that Castiel vaguely recognized and said, “Live long and prosper.”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion and Charlie laughed, “Don’t worry, I will also bring Star Trek so that you can understand that reference.”  She sobered suddenly, “Have faith Castiel, everything happens for a reason.”  She turned and left the room.

A shrill cry interrupted Castiel’s thoughts and he glanced at his daughter.  Her face was scrunched in displeasure and rapidly turning red.  Slowly he reached out his hand again and was pleasantly surprised when it stayed steady.

With sure hands he cupped her small head and slid his other hand under her small body.  He lifted her as a nurse entered the room.  He didn’t even register that someone was there.  

Castiel searched her face as if she had an answer to what he was supposed to do.  The nurse gently stood by his side and he looked up at her with tears in his eyes, “I have a baby,” he said simply, “what am I supposed to do now?”

The nurse laughed heartedly as she explained everything to Castiel.  He absorbed it in the same manner and single minded determination that he had when he was focusing on school.

It took nearly an hour of back and forth questioning between the two of them until Castiel felt comfortable enough to be alone with his daughter.

Glancing at her sleeping form he wondered what he would name her.  Have faith Castiel continued to echo through his thoughts.  Faith has been something that he has clung to in the past, why not have a reminder of something beautiful every time he looks at his daughter.  

Faith Novak.

No, Faith Henry Novak.

Henry Winchester was Dean’s grandfather and although Castiel never had the chance to meet him, Dean always spoke of him highly.  

Castiel smiled as he closed his eyes and settled down into the bed.  Faith’s heart shaped face with a mop of dark hair flashing in his minds eye.  

For the first time since he ran away from home Castiel slept peacefully.

***

Dean’s ribs hurt.  They throbbed in tune with how steadily he has been drinking.  He sat against an old rust bucket and took a long pull from the whiskey bottle that he swiped from his dad after they threw fists at each other.

Dean shifted and groaned as he remembered the fight between him and his father.  Dad found out that he had slept with Cas and started calling him different homophobic slurs which led to punches being thrown.  

When dad started calling Cas names Dean started seeing red.  Thank fuck Sam wasn’t home to witness their fight.  Although the evidence of their fight is all over the living room with the broken lamps and torn couch.  

Dean took another long pull from the bottle and hissed when the liquid met his split lip.  He flexed his jaw, thankfully it wasn’t broken.  

Dean lost track of how long he sat outside.  He didn’t really care.  It was summer anyway, its not like he has to worry about frostbite.  Dean started laughing darkly.  Here he was worrying about frostbite when his best friend has been gone for the past year.

Dean was nineteen and still a royal fuck up.

He pushed away the only person that he loved.  He pushed him away because he couldn’t come to terms with his own feelings.  

When he first learned that Cas left it was through his older brother Lucifer.  Lucifer came to Bobby’s shop looking for Dean and before Dean could even register Lucifer’s presence, he was sprawled out on his ass with his mouth bleeding.

Dean and Lucifer had it out until Bobby came and broke them up.  The only thing that Dean really remembers from their fight is that Lucifer kept saying that Cas was gone and that it was all Dean’s fault.

That was when Dean lunged at him again and Bobby dragged him outside.  By the time he had cooled off and went back in Lucifer was gone and Bobby was livid.  Dean doesn’t know what they talked about but he told him that he should stay away from Lucifer and Dean headed his advice.

Cas probably had the baby by now.

Was it a boy?  Did he look like Dean or Cas?

Did he have Dean’s blonde hair or Cas’ dark locks?

Maybe it was a girl.

Dean felt a small smile spread across his face as he envisioned a little girl with green eyes and blonde hair.

He wouldn’t mind if he had a girl.

He already was surrounded by dudes, sometimes it felt like a goddamn sausage fest.

Dean blew out a breath as he remembered that Cas left him because he was a bag of dicks.

Suddenly there was the sound of gravel crunching and Dean tensed.  He looked sharply at the direction of the noise tenson rolling off of him in waves.  If it was his father there was no way he wanted to deal with that sick fuck right now.

Just because he lost Mary does not mean that he has to completely check out of raising him and Sam.  Hell Dean has been taking care of Sam ever since he was four.  It is all that he knows how to do.  That and fix cars.

He was just a lowly mechanic and an alcoholic.

Dean was good at one thing and that was letting everyone down.

Bobby suddenly appeared in front of him and soon he was struggling to keep his nearly empty bottle.

“Hell boy let the damn thing go and come inside.” Bobby ordered.

Dean blinked at him and shook his head as he slurred, “Em fin’ her’ Bobby.”

“Boy if you don’t get off of your ass and get inside I am going to,” he paused as he took a look at his face, “What the hell happened to you?”  He demanded.  
Dean just laughed.

Bobby looked at him sadly as he bent down and hauled him up.  Dean stumbled a little bit and leaned heavily onto him.

Together they walked to Bobby’s house and the door was open.  Dean squinted as he tried to make sense of the slim shape standing in the doorway.

Dean looked at Bobby, “Were you gonna get laid ol’ man? I--I didn’t know yer pecker ‘till worked.”

“Shut up boy.” Bobby muttered as a slight flush spread across his cheeks.

“Bobby, who is that with you?” The woman said and Dean froze causing Bobby to stumble and drag him a bit.  Dean knew that voice.  It was the sheriff.  Shit.  He was drunk off his ass and the sheriff was dating Bobby.  Dean started laughing again because it was just perfect.

Singer and Mills were always taking care of drunk Winchesters.

He was gonna be thrown in jail just like his good for nothing father.

“Don’t say that Dean.  Come in and we will clean you up.” Jody said as she helped pour him into the couch.  Dean must have said that last thing out loud.

It was too bright in the living room and Dean struggled to keep his eyes open.

“Dean,” Jody said sharply, “what happened to you?”

“Well, sheriff, I’m drunk.  Dad and I had a lil’ dis...disag...thingy and then I took his bodal, and came here.  Didn’ mean to crash the date.”  Dean spoke around his hand that was rubbing his throbbing face.

“What the hell were you fighting about?”  Bobby snapped.  Bobby knew that Dean had one goal in life and it was to make his dad proud.  He tried to do it by dating all the hot girls in school.  He tried to do it by taking care of Sammy.  He tried to do that by being the man of the house and working to make sure that they stayed afloat.  Yet for some reason dad never saw Dean as anything but a fuck up.

“”Dad foun’ out.” He slurred and he flailed his arms.

Bobby’s brows furrowed, “Found out what?”

Dean looked at the wall behind Bobby because he couldn’t look at him, “He found out ‘bout Cas Bobby.”

He felt rather than saw Bobby and Jody look at each other than at him, “What about Cas.” Jody finally asked.

Dean took a deep breath as he settled more comfortably in the couch, “Dad found out ‘bout me ‘n Cas.” was the last thing he said before he curled up and promptly passed out.

When Dean woke up the next morning everything in his body hurt.  It was as if his body was punishing him for last night.  His stomach rolled uncomfortably as he started to remember last night.  He almost told Bobby about what happened between him and Cas.

Dean stumbled to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach.  He pressed his fevered head against the cool porcelain of the toilet.  

A shadow fell across him as he was curled around the toilet, “Get up and lets have breakfast.”  Bobby gruffly stated.

Dean groaned louder but rose.  He flushed the evidence of a shitty night down the toilet and washed his face.  After rinsing his mouth he found Bobby in the kitchen making toast.  A tall glass of water sat on the table and Dean slipped into the chair and gingerly took a cooling sip.

Bobby still had his back to him but his arms were braced against the counter when he spoke, “Dean,” he paused, “I reckon you are starting to remember what happened last night so I am going to sit down and we are going to talk about it.”

Dean gazed at him steadily as his head pounded, “There’s nothing to talk about Bobby.  Dad and I got into a fight and now it’s over.  We will both nurse our wounds and then go back to normal.”

Bobby sighed and turned around.  He deposited a plate of food and toast in front of Dean and then placed a pill bottle next to him.  

Dean’s eyes slid past him, “Dean,” Bobby began, “it’s okay you know.”

Dean frowned, “What’s okay?”

“Your feelings for Cas are okay”  He said.

Dean look into Bobby’s eyes, “Now, I know you kids these days aren’t as strict with your affections the way that we were when I was your age.  I ain’t gonna love you any less for liking another boy.”

Dean’s eyes filled and he started to slightly rock back and forth to comfort himself, “I know that you love that boy Cas.  I don’t understand it, and I have an idea as to what your father said, but know this, what he says doesn’t matter.  The only thing that matters is that you be yourself.”

Dean felt a sob claw itself free from his throat and collapsed into a heap against the table narrowly missing the food.

Bobby shifted uncomfortably and reached out a hand and began to rub circles onto his back as Dean broke down.  He cried for what felt like forever.  He cried for his mother.  He cried for cas and his child.  He cried for all the injustices done to him.  He sobbed for his lost love.

***

Faith crawled into her father’s lap and stared at Dean.

She was silent for a long time and tears collected in her eyes.

She was scared all of a sudden.

Faith stared up at her father and asked, “Can I ask a question?”

Her daddy smiled and nodded.

She turned back to Dean, her other dad, “Why did you want to meet me?”

His eyes widened but he answered, “I wanted to get to know you--I screwed up when I was younger, but now I want to know everything about you.  Hopefully you want to do the same.”

“Okay.”

Both of her dads laughed at her, “What?” she asked.  She wasn’t trying to be funny.

“Can I ask you a question?” Dean asked.

She grinned mischievously, “You just did.”

He smiled, “Do you wanna play a game?” he asked.

Faith looked at her daddy and he nodded, “Okay what game?”

“Twenty questions.”

“I don’t know that game.”

“Its where I ask you a question and then you ask me a question until we reach twenty.”

Faith shrugged, “Okay.”

“Do you want to go first?”

She visibly brightened, “Yeah,” she paused as she tried to think of a smart question, but instead she blurted, “Whats your favorite color?”

He smiled, “Blue.” He was staring at daddy when he said it, “Now it’s my turn, what’s your favorite color?”

She blushed suddenly and curled into her father as she mumbled “Green.” softly.  “What’s your favorite number?”

“Seven.” he said instantly, “What’s your favorite book?”

She paused as she tried to figure it out.  She really loved _Cat in the Hat_ , but the _Lorax_ was her all time favorite.  She loved the movie too.  “The _Lorax_!” she shouted excitedly.

Her daddy laughed because he knew that she loved to watch that movie every weekend.

Together the three of them sat and traded questions and answers.  When they finished Faith was so sleepy that she started drifting in her fathers arms.

The last thing she heard before she fell asleep was her other dad talking to her daddy and telling him that there was no way that he wasn’t going to be in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Soo, I just wanted to thank you for reading. It has really been encouraging me to write and every comment has been fuel to write more. It is fucking cold in Chicago, I meant to post this chapter sooner, but due to the coldness I never wanted to get out of bed. This was chapter four and the final chapter which is the epilogue will be hopefully posted by Monday, only because I do not have a laptop and I have been using my brothers and he goes back to school on Monday. So without further ado, I hope to hear from you and see you all Monday.


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked in the mirror again and wondered if he could do anything with his unruly locks.
> 
> “You finished princess?” Luke asked from the door.
> 
> Castiel scowled, “Shut up Luke, I want to look nice.”
> 
> Luke smiled, “Yeah, I’m sure there isn’t a hidden agenda with wanting to look nice.”
> 
> Castiel felt his blush begin to creep up, “Stop teasing me Luke, you don’t even like Dean.”
> 
> Lucifer looked at Castiel for a moment before he said, “No, to be honest, I never really liked him. He changed my mind though, when he helped you with Faith even though he was a complete douche--”
> 
> “Whats a douche daddy?” Faith cut in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. The last chapter. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read, left a comment, and Kudos. I was really nervous when I started writing this fic. I am thinking of writing a few timestamps but it might take me a while to post those because I have to figure out what I want to do with them. I really fell in love with these dorks and I hope you all did as well.
> 
> Also, this chapter is in Cas', Dean's and Faith's perspective. Just a heads up so that there isn't any confusion.

 

Castiel sat in the middle of his home, surrounded by boxes that were filled with both his and Faith's possessions. They were moving back to Lawrence to be closer to family.

The school year finished and thankfully Faith was not behind because of her illness.

Castiel and Faith moved back after six weeks. He had work and she had school.

Dean drove into town every weekend to spend it with Faith. Castiel wouldn't let him spend the night so he spent them in a hotel. Dean understood his reasoning behind his wishes and complied.

Although Dean was a little concerned when he learned how many hours a week he worked and jobs that Castiel had.  He grew quiet and apologized repeatedly for being a douche, his words by the way.

Castiel couldn't believe it, he was going home and for once it was on good terms.

Charlie was a little saddened with their move but she proudly stated that it was about time he left the nest.

Charlie and her long time girlfriend were planning on visiting as soon as everything was settled and Faith  couldn't wait.

Granted they were moving back in with his brother after living on his own for such a long time but it was just temporary.

Castiel learned all the different ways that Dean had changed.

For instance, when they were younger he wouldn't be caught dead in a library, now he volunteers twice a month to help out. That apparently turned into him reading to the children, but Castiel thinks it is the moms who keep asking for him to return. Although, Dean always could tell a good story.

Castiel smiled and shook his head, he needed to finish packing, the moving truck would be here in a few hours and Faith was taking a nap. With a small grin on his face he reached for another box and continued packing.

***

"Daddy, what are you doing?" Faith wondered from the doorway. His room was a mess. The three of them, meaning, Castiel, Faith, and Lucifer were invited to dinner at Bobby's. It was their way of meeting Faith and Castiel was angsting like a teenage girl going on her first date.

He had clothing that he picked out and instantly rejected across both the bed and floor.

He changed his outfit four or five times. It was actually a little pathetic to be honest.

Well maybe more than a little.

Castiel sighed and looked at his daughter. She insisted that she had to dress nice. She insisted that they had to match.

In fact, she wore a sit. It looked adorable on her. The button up was a deep green that brought or the small flecks in her eyes. It was a charcoal grey suit that had lapels that flared and accented the bow tie that she had to have because it reminded her of the Doctor.

Castiel felt a smile spread across his face as he took in his daughter. "Come here Queen Bee so that I can do your hair. Do you want it up or down?"

She stared forward, "Can you do the special braid daddy?" She asked as she sat on the edge of the bed with her back to Castiel.

The special braid is actually a fishtail braid that Castiel spent hours watching videos on how to do it. It took a few attempts until he was able to braid it properly.

"Sure sweetheart, do you have the brush?" Castiel asked.

Together they chatted as he brushed and pulled her hair into a ponytail.  Her hair was always soft. When she was born her hair was pitch black, over the years it has become lighter and lighter until it looked like it was a cross between blonde and light brown.

When he reached the end of the braid he realized that he didn't have a small hair tie so he handed the end to Faith and dug around until he located a green one.

After tieing the end of the braid he turned her around and have her a kiss, "Go and see if your uncle is ready. I'll just be a minute."

She smiled, "Okay daddy, thank you for doing my hair."

"You are very welcome love.  You look beautifully bug, now go on. Let me finish getting dressed."

She rose and ran out of the room. Her birthday was coming up. She was going to be seven soon. He couldn't believe it.

She had a loose tooth.

She was growing up.

Castiel felt his heart throb as he remembered how much she has grown and how much he could have missed had he not been able to get the money together for her surgery.

Castiel finished getting dressed by wearing a blue button up that made his eyes brighten.  He paired it with a charcoal gray vest and the same type of pants.  He reached for his tan trenchcoat and put it over his clothing.

He looked in the mirror again and wondered if he could do anything with his unruly locks.

“You finished princess?” Luke asked from the door.

Castiel scowled, “Shut up Luke, I want to look nice.”

Luke smiled, “Yeah, I’m sure there isn’t a hidden agenda with wanting to look nice.”

Castiel felt his blush begin to creep up, “Stop teasing me Luke, you don’t even like Dean.”

Lucifer looked at Castiel for a moment before he said, “No, to be honest, I never really liked him.  He changed my mind though, when he helped you with Faith even though he was a complete douche--”

“Whats a douche daddy?” Faith cut in.

Castiel glared at Lucifer who was trying to stifle a laugh, “It’s a bad word baby, something that you shouldn’t repeat.”

“Yeah, I figured that daddy, but what does it mean?”

Castiel drew a blank, thankfully Lucifer came to his rescue, “It is something that adults say to one another when someone is being stupid sweetheart.  It is not a nice thing to say so don’t repeat it.”

Faith looked between them and nodded, then she tugged at Lucifer’s leather jacket, “Uncle Luke, do I look pretty?”

“You look absolutely amazing, in fact, I think that you look better than either of your fathers.  See if you weren’t related to me and a million years younger than me I would try to--”

“LUKE! Don’t be a creep!” Castiel shouted.

Lucifer smiled and held his hand out for Faith, “Come on little one, let us get out of this prickly atmosphere.”

“What does that mean uncle Luke?” Faith asked as they walked down the hall and towards the living room.

Castiel sighed and tried to tame his hair one last time and then shook his head and went to meet his family.

Together the three of them piled into Lucifer’s pick-up and drove to Bobby Singer’s house.  Castiel wondered what awaited them there.  If it would be a warm welcome or not.  He wondered if anyone would be mean to Faith.

***

Dean was a complete mess.  Bobby intentionally made him late.  He was covered in grease.  Dean did not know why he had to take care of the last order today.

Bobby told him that he had too.

Dean could never say no to Bobby which is why it is nearly seven and the sun had long since set.

Dean invited Castiel, Lucifer, and Faith to dinner at Bobby’s so that Faith could meet Bobby, Sam, Adam, Jody, Ellen, and Jo.  Basically it was a meet the family dinner.  One that had Dean antsy all day.  So much so that Bobby felt the need to poke fun at him.

Dean sighed when he realized that he didn’t have time to drive home and take a shower.  He usually kept spare clothes at Bobby’s so it looks like he is going to have to take a shower there.

He rushed over to Bobby’s and burst through the door not realizing that Lucifer’s pick-up was outside meaning that everyone was there.

He looked like a wild man when he took in everyone in the livingroom.

Lucifer, Cas, and Faith sat in a couch and squeezed next to them was Jo.

Ellen and Bobby were standing in the doorway that led into the kitchen.

Jody sat in an armchair and Sam and Adam sat in the loveseat.

Everyone was dressed nice and here he comes in looking like a grease monkey, “Fuck.” He sighed.

“Oooooo, Daddy, Dean said a bad word.” Were the first words out of his daughter’s mouth.

Everyone laughed while Dean stood there blushing like a schoolgirl, “Sorry, sorry, I’m--just going to go take a quick shower.” He mumbled as he bolted out of the room.

He rushed up the stairs and bolted into the bathroom.  He took what could possibly be the fastest shower humanly possible.  

Dean blanched as he wondered what everyone could be talking about while he vigorously scrubbed his hair.

He quickly finished and dressed in a pair of jeans that did not have any holes.  He combined that with a black tee and a gray and white flannel.

He hopped around as he put on thick black socks and rushed down the stairs.

He sounded like a charging elephant.  Dean forced himself to slow down when he reached the landing.

“I have a question.” Faith said out loud in a sing song voice that caused Dean to smile as he paused in the door.

“Yes, Queen Bee.” Came Cas’ gravelly voice.

“If uncle Lucifer is my uncle, and you two, are my uncles, then do I have any aunts?”

“Yeah you do!” Came Jo’s voice,”I’m going to be the best aunt out there.”

Dean chose that moment to walk in and take stock of everyone there.

Bobby and Ellen were presumably in the kitchen because they weren’t in the room.

Jo wore a pair of jeans and a tee that made her look like a tomboy.

Jody was dressed similarly to Dean in flannel and jeans.

Adam was dressed in a pair of dark wash jeans and a light blue buttondown.

Sam wore slacks and a bright red buttondown.

Dean moved his eyes over to Cas and his mouth dropped.  Cas wore a dark blue buttondown that made his eyes stand out.  Dean had to tear his eyes away before he sprouted the most inappropriate boner in history.  His eyes fell on Faith and he smiled a mile wide.  

She wore a suit.  An honest to god suit.  With a bow tie.  She looked like a cross between the Doctor and Bruce Wayne.

Dean tipped his head to her and said, “Hello Doctor Wayne.”

She grinned and clapped her hands, “Yes, you figured it out.  I asked daddy to buy this because I wanted to know if you watched my favorite shows!”

Dean smiled, “Of course I knew as soon as I saw you.  I also wanted to say I’m sorry for saying the bad word.”

“It’s okay, at one of daddy’s jobs they have a swearing jar and every time someone says a bad word they have to put money in it that I get because they shouldn’t be saying those bad words.”

Everyone laughed.  

Bobby popped in and said that dinner was ready so everyone heaved themselves up and went to the dining room.  

Dean whistled when he saw the table, it was packed with food.  There was a large roast in the center.  A salad, mashed potatoes, string beans, corn, and bread rolls.

“Old man, there is no way that you cooked all this.” Dean stated earning him a punch from Bobby.

“Shut up you idjit, Ellen and Jody helped.”

Dean looked at Jody and then Ellen a smart comment on the tip of his tongue when Castiel slapped at him in warning.  He grinned and grabbed a seat.  Faith sat down next to him and Cas on the other end putting her in the middle.

Everyone else grabbed a seat.  Dean suddenly felt a tug on his sleeve, he looked over the Faith, “Dean, I, um, I am a vegetarian.” she said with the straightest face he ever saw.

Every ounce of color drained from his face.  No, he did not have a kid that didn’t eat meat.  Sam was one thing, but he is a freak that lives in California, but Faith, Faith was his daughter.

He turned wide eyes to Castiel and suddenly everyone burst into laughter.

Dean grumbled as he sat down.

Everyone was happy.

There was laughter.

Love.

Everything that a family should be.

That and the food was damn good.

Sitting there surrounded by his family he wondered why he ever pushed Cas away.

Why he had thought he didn’t deserve him and the light he brings.

During the meal while everyone was talking over one another, he glanced over at Cas and noticed he was watching him too.  He smiled at him and watched him smile back.

“Faith, did you meet, the moose Sam?” Dean asked.

“What’s a moose?”

“Shut up Dean.” Everyone at the table said.

They all went back to eating.

“Sam is going to be a lawyer right?” Faith wondered, “Adam is going to be a doctor, so da--I mean Dean, what are you?”

Dean winced when he realized that she was going to call him dad and didn’t, “Oh, I’m not anything special, I am a mechanic.”

“What’s that?” She asked politely as she scooped mashed potatoes.

“It means that I fix cars.”

“Why isn’t that special? I think that it is very special, I mean, you fix cars and those are really hard to fix.  When daddy’s car broke he said a lot of bad words that I can’t repeat and had to pay a whole lot of money to fix it.”

“Stupid waterpump.” Castiel muttered darkly.

Dean laughed, “Yeah I guess you’re right.”

Dean looked up and noticed Lucifer staring at Sam, “Luke, stop perving on my brother.” He scowled.

“Little late there Dean-o,” Lucifer stated, “you started the perving.”

“Luke!” Cas hissed.

“Oh don’t worry about it, I’ll stop, which is more than I can say about yo--”

“LUKE.” Cas hissed louder.

He chuckled darkly and returned to eating.

***

Faith sat between her father’s on the couch and was happy.  At first she was nervous that his family wouldn’t like her because she was new.

She was wrong.  

Sam and Adam were cool.  They listened to her when she talked and didn’t just pretend like some of her teachers.

They asked her how she was feeling and Adam was going to be a doctor.

Jo was nice.  She was like a aunt to her.

The older ladies, Jody and Ellen were nice too.  Faith knew that she didn’t have any grandparents because they all passed away.  It made her a little sad but maybe she can call Ellen and Jody Gramma.

Bobby was a little scary at first.  He had a big beard and a hat that he wore inside even though daddy had taught her that she had to take her hat off when she went inside a house so she wouldn’t be rude.

When they first got there Dean wasn’t there he was still at work so Faith hid behind her daddy and uncle.

Once she realized that everyone was nice she slowly came out of her shell.

She bonded with Sam because she loved documentaries even though her daddy said that most kids don’t like that stuff.  Faith loved learning which is why she loved going to school.

She found out that Adam didn’t like some stupid show called Doctor Sexy too and that made daddy laugh for some reason.

Jo was awesome because she reminded Faith of herself.  She was a girl, but that didn’t mean she had to act all girly and love pink.

Uncle Luke was cool too even though half the time she didn’t understand what he was saying but daddy said that was because it has been a long time since he was around kids.

Faith was a little thirsty so she got up from between her dads and went to the kitchen to get some water.

Bobby was there, she was only a little scared.

“Hey there kid.” He said.

She froze in the door a little bit.

“Whatdya need?” he asked.

“Some water,” she said hesitantly, “I’m a little thirsty.”

“Hop onto a seat right there and I’ll get you a glass.”

She did as he asked and watched him reach for a glass from the cupboard and fill it with water.  She looked at him thoughtfully, “Bobby,” she began slowly and waited until he looked at her, “daddy told me that you helped raise Dean and Sam, does that mean you are like my grandpa?”

Bobby froze, then smiled, “Yeah, thats what that means, but I am going to ask that you keep that a secret between me and you.  I don’t want them to start calling me an old man.”

Faith’s eyes widened and she shook her head, “You’re not old.”

He narrowed his eyes as if he wanted to say something else and then shook his head, “Go on and drink your water, I don’t want them invading my kitchen anymore tonight.”

Faith smiled.  It was like Grandpa was a big teddybear.  He acted all mean but he was really soft and gooey on the inside.

She quickly took a drink of water taking extra care that it didn’t spill everywhere and then put it back on the table.

She hopped off the chair and ran back into the living room where her family was waiting.

She had a family.  Dinner was so interesting because it has always just been her and and daddy and it was quiet.  Not a mean quiet a nice one.  Sometimes they would talk but most of the time they were rushing so that daddy could get to work on time.

She was having fun and she couldn’t wait to get to know her family some more.  

***

The doorbell sounded and Castiel rose from the floor.  That must be Dean.  He offered to get the moving truck and help them pile everything into it.

Castiel opened the door and Dean stood there looking like a breath of fresh air in his flannel and jeans.

“Hey Cas, you ready?” he asked as he took in Castiel’s apparence.  Castiel knew he looked like a mess.  He wore sweatpants and a wifebeater.  He was covered in dust and probably smelled.

“Yes Dean,” he took a step back to let Dean in, “Faith is napping.  I just finished packing the last box.  I probably stink so I’m--”

“No, you don’t stink.” Dean murmured as he took a step closer to Castiel.

“Dean, I told you, that I’m not ready.”

Dean smiled at him, “No, I know, you are just too cute to resist.”

Castiel scowled, “I’m not cute.  I am a man.  I am manly.”

Dean’s grin was slow to spread, “Sure, what ever helps you sleep at night.”

Castiel grumbled under his breath.  Stupid Dean, seeing him as a mess and still finding him attractive.

“What do you want to take in first? I am thinking the furniture.”  Dean said.

“Sure, that makes sense.” Castiel replied.

Castiel looked up at Dean and found him staring, “Dean, you’re staring at me again.”

“Cas,” Dean croaked and cleared his throat, “I told you that I wanted to do this right.  So I was wondering, fuck, why is this hard.”

Castiel continued to stare at him, “I wanted to ask you this for a while and I know I have fucked up in the past, but I was wondering, once you are all settled if--” he drew a deep breath, “wanted to go to dinner?”

Castiel stared at him.

He was not expecting Dean to ask him out on a date.  He always wished that he would.  Fantasized that he would.  After they slept together and created Faith he had hoped.

Castiel smiled, “Sure Dean, you’re a little late, but yes I would love to go to dinner with you.”

Dean grinned as he reached for him and slotted their lips together.  It was like coming him.  A drink of water in the middle of the desert and every cliche on the planet.  Castiel was happy.  Happier than he has been in a long time.

Castiel closed his eyes and drew Dean closer to him and Dean licked at the seam of his lips wanting entry.  Castiel opened his mouth willingly as they continued to explore each other’s mouths without the dull haze of alcohol.  Wrapped around one another they forgot that the world existed.  They only focused on each other and it was amazing.

Unbeknown to the both of them, Faith peered at them from the doorway and had the biggest smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you for your continued support and have a great week because it is Monday. Hopefully this week will be warmer ;-)
> 
> Some of you might have noticed that I turned this into a collection because hopefully soon I will be able to write those timestamps for everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave comments and kudos because that helps me write more ;-)


End file.
